Notes from the Underground

The author of the diary and the diary itself are, of course, imaginary. Nevertheless it is clear...

I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased....

I have been going on like that for a long time twenty years. Now I am forty. I used to be in the...

When petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I sat, I used to grind my teeth...

But do you know, gentlemen, what was the chief point about my spite. Why, the whole point, the real...

I was lying when I said just now that I was a spiteful official. I was lying from spite. I was...

It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither...

You imagine no doubt, gentlemen, that I want to amuse you. You are mistaken in that, too. I am by...

I want now to tell you, gentlemen, whether you care to hear it or not, why I could not even become...

Though, after all, everyone does do that; people do pride themselves on their diseases, and I do,...

And the worst of it was, and the root of it all, that it was all in accord with the normal...

I, for instance, have a great deal of amour propre. I am as suspicious and prone to take offence as...

With people who know how to revenge themselves and to stand up for themselves in general, how is it...

Well, such a direct person I regard as the real normal man, as his tender mother nature wished to...

But it is just in that cold, abominable half despair, half belief, in that conscious burying...

I will continue calmly concerning persons with strong nerves who do not understand a certain...

Upon my word, they will shout at you, it is no use protesting. it is a case of twice two makes...

Merciful Heavens. but what do I care for the laws of nature and arithmetic, when, for some reason I...

As though such a stone wall really were a consolation, and really did contain some word of...

Well, even in toothache there is enjoyment, I answer. I had toothache for a whole month and I know...

Come, can a man who attempts to find enjoyment in the very feeling of his own degradation possibly...

Oh, if I had done nothing simply from laziness. Heavens, how I should have respected myself, then....

I should claim respect for doing so. I should persecute anyone who would not show me respect. I...

But these are all golden dreams. Oh, tell me, who was it first announced, who was it first...

Then this is all what you say new economic relations will be established, all ready made and worked...

Ha. ha. ha. But you know there is no such thing as choice in reality, say what you like, you will...

Stay, gentlemen, I meant to begin with that myself I confess, I was rather frightened. I was just...

Hm. you decide. Our choice is usually mistaken from a false view of our advantage. We sometimes...

Yes, but here I come to a stop. Gentlemen, you must excuse me for being over philosophical; its the...

You will scream at me that is, if you condescend to do so that no one is touching my free will,...

Good heavens, gentlemen, what sort of free will is left when we come to tabulation and arithmetic,...

Gentlemen, I am joking, and I know myself that my jokes are not brilliant, but you know one can...

With the ant heap the respectable race of ants began and with the ant heap they will probably end,...

And why are you so firmly, so triumphantly, convinced that only the normal and the positive in...

You believe in a palace of crystal that can never be destroyed a palace at which one will not be...

You see, if it were not a palace, but a hen house, I might creep into it to avoid getting wet, and...

But what is to be done if I have taken it into my head that that is not the only object in life,...

But while I am alive and have desires I would rather my hand were withered off than bring one brick...

But do you know what. I am convinced that we underground folk ought to be kept on a curb. Though we...

The long and the short of it is, gentlemen, that it is better to do nothing. Better conscious...

I will tell you another thing that would be better, and that is, if I myself believed in anything...

Then why have you written all this. you will say to me. I ought to put you underground for forty...

Isnt that shameful, isnt that humiliating. you will say, perhaps, wagging your heads...

Of course I have myself made up all the things you say. That, too, is from underground. I have been...

But can you really be so credulous as to think that I will print all this and give it to you to...

Every man has reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only to his friends. He has...

But here, perhaps, someone will catch at the word and ask me. if you really dont reckon on readers,...

There is a whole psychology in all this, though. Perhaps it is simply that I am a coward. And...

Quite so; but yet it is more imposing on paper. There is something more impressive in it; I shall...

Snow is falling today, yellow and dingy. It fell yesterday, too, and a few days ago. I fancy it is...

When from dark errors subjugation My words of passionate exhortation Had wrenched thy fainting...

At that time I was only twenty four. My life was even then gloomy, ill regulated, and as solitary...

Of course, I hated my fellow clerks one and all, and I despised them all, yet at the same time I...

The very opposite sometimes happened. It was loathsome sometimes to go to the office; things...

We Russians, speaking generally, have never had those foolish transcendental romantics German, and...

I, for instance, genuinely despised my official work and did not openly abuse it simply because I...

Their many sidedness is really amazing, and goodness knows what it may develop into later on, and...

I did not, of course, maintain friendly relations with my comrades and soon was at loggerheads with...

In the first place I spent most of my time at home, reading. I tried to stifle all that was...

And so, furtively, timidly, in solitude, at night, I indulged in filthy vice, with a feeling of...

One night as I was passing a tavern I saw through a lighted window some gentlemen fighting with...

I was not drunk but what is one to do depression will drive a man to such a pitch of hysteria. But...

I was standing by the billiard table and in my ignorance blocking up the way, and he wanted to...

Devil knows what I would have given for a real regular quarrel a more decent, a more literary one,...

I went out of the tavern straight home, confused and troubled, and the next night I went out again...

Oh, if only that officer had been one of the sort who would consent to fight a duel. But no, he was...

I did not slink away through cowardice, but through an unbounded vanity. I was afraid not of his...

Of course, this trivial incident could not with me end in that. I often met that officer afterwards...

Sometimes I was positively choked with resentment. At last I determined to challenge my enemy to a...

And all at once I revenged myself in the simplest way, by a stroke of genius. A brilliant thought...

Already then I began to experience a rush of the enjoyment of which I spoke in the first chapter....

Why must you invariably be the first to move aside. I kept asking myself in hysterical rage, waking...

But that never happened, and I always moved aside, while he did not even notice my making way for...

Of course I shall not really push him, I thought, already more good natured in my joy. I will...

With this object I asked for some of my salary in advance, and bought at Tchurkins a pair of black...

In this way everything was at last ready. The handsome beaver replaced the mean looking raccoon,...

And suddenly it ended most happily. The night before I had made up my mind not to carry out my...

But the period of my dissipation would end and I always felt very sick afterwards. It was followed...

And what loving kindness, oh Lord, what loving kindness I felt at times in those dreams of mine. in...

I could never stand more than three months of dreaming at a time without feeling an irresistible...

This Anton Antonitch lived on the fourth storey in a house in Five Corners, in four low pitched...

I had however one other acquaintance of a sort, Simonov, who was an old schoolfellow. I had a...

And so on one occasion, unable to endure my solitude and knowing that as it was Thursday Anton...

I found two of my old schoolfellows with him. They seemed to be discussing an important matter. All...

They were engaged in warm and earnest conversation about a farewell dinner which they wanted to...

Of Simonovs two visitors, one was Ferfitchkin, a Russianised German a little fellow with the face...

Can you imagine, Ferfitchkin interrupted hotly and conceitedly, like some insolent flunkey boasting...

It seems to me that no one has a right to form an opinion upon that, I retorted in a shaking voice,...

They went away. Ferfitchkin did not greet me in any way as he went out, Trudolyubov barely nodded....

Its close by ... not two paces away, Simonov repeated, accompanying me to the front door with a...

What possessed me, what possessed me to force myself upon them. I wondered, grinding my teeth as I...

But what made me furious was that I knew for certain that I should go, that I should make a point...

And there was a positive obstacle to my going. I had no money. All I had was nine roubles, I had to...

That night I had the most hideous dreams. No wonder; all the evening I had been oppressed by...

Early next morning I roused myself and jumped out of bed with excitement, as though it were all...

I had been certain the day before that I should be the first to arrive. But it was not a question...

Zverkov walked in at the head of them; evidently he was the leading spirit. He and all of them were...

I was surprised to hear of your desire to join us, he began, lisping and drawling, which was...

So youve been here a whole hour. Oh, poor fellow. Zverkov cried ironically, for to his notions this...

Let us sit down, gentlemen, cried Simonov, coming in. Everything is ready; I can answer for the...

What ma a de me was that I wanted to leave my original job, I drawled more than he, hardly able to...

It really is stupid. We have met here, a company of friends, for a farewell dinner to a comrade and...

And then followed a burlesque narrative of how this gentleman had almost been married two days...

Good Heavens, these are not the people for me. I thought. And what a fool I have made of myself...

Of course I remained. I drank sherry and Lafitte by the glassful in my discomfiture. Being...

I scanned them all insolently with my drowsy eyes. But they seemed to have forgotten me altogether....

For one minute every one was silent. You are drunk already. Trudolyubov deigned to notice me at...

The second point is. I hate ribaldry and ribald talkers. Especially ribald talkers. The third...

Now is the time to throw a bottle at their heads, I thought to myself. I picked up the bottle ......

But I did not sing. I simply tried not to look at any of them. I assumed most unconcerned attitudes...

I smiled contemptuously and walked up and down the other side of the room, opposite the sofa, from...

Of course, of course, the others assented. I turned sharply to Zverkov. I was so harassed, so...

No, its not the duel I am afraid of, Ferfitchkin. I am ready to fight you tomorrow, after we are...

I was left for a moment alone. Disorder, the remains of dinner, a broken wine glass on the floor,...

So this is it, this is it at last contact with real life, I muttered as I ran headlong downstairs....

At the steps was standing a solitary night sledge driver in a rough peasant coat, powdered over...

They wont go down on their knees to beg for my friendship. That is a mirage, cheap mirage,...

As soon as I go in Ill give it him. Ought I before giving him the slap to say a few words by way of...

We shall fight at daybreak, thats a settled thing. Ive done with the office. Ferfitchkin made a...

Cold shivers suddenly ran down me. Wouldnt it be better ... to go straight home. My God, my God....

And what if they give me into custody. They wont dare. Theyll be afraid of the scandal. And what if...

Of course, after that everything will be over. The office will have vanished off the face of the...

I was actually on the point of tears, though I knew perfectly well at that moment that all this was...

What was I to do. I could not go on there it was evidently stupid, and I could not leave things as...

The wet snow was falling in big flakes; I unbuttoned myself, regardless of it. I forgot everything...

At last we arrived. I jumped out, almost unconscious, ran up the steps and began knocking and...

I walked rapidly through the dark shop into the familiar drawing room, where there was only one...

Taking no notice of anything I strode about the room, and, I believe, I talked to myself. I felt as...

I chanced to look into the glass. My harassed face struck me as revolting in the extreme, pale,...

... Somewhere behind a screen a clock began wheezing, as though oppressed by something, as though...

It was almost completely dark in the narrow, cramped, low pitched room, cumbered up with an...

I was not long in coming to myself; everything came back to my mind at once, without an effort, as...

My head was full of fumes. Something seemed to be hovering over me, rousing me, exciting me, and...

A grim idea came into my brain and passed all over my body, as a horrible sensation, such as one...

God knows why I did not go away. I felt myself more and more sick and dreary. The images of the...

She was in debt to her madam, I retorted, more and more provoked by the discussion; and went on...

Anyway, in a year you will be worth less, I continued malignantly. You will go from here to...

Not all, of course, but anyway it is much better than the life here. Infinitely better. Besides,...

I turned away with disgust; I was no longer reasoning coldly. I began to feel myself what I was...

Never mind my being here, I am not an example for you. I am, perhaps, worse than you are. I was...

I was positively astounded by the promptitude of this Yes. So the same thought may have been...

She turned her head nearer to me, and it seemed to me in the darkness that she propped herself on...

I must take the right tone, flashed through my mind. I may not get far with sentimentality. But it...

Who denies it. I hastened to answer. Anything may happen. I am convinced that someone has wronged...

See, Liza, I will tell you about myself. If I had had a home from childhood, I shouldnt be what I...

I dont know, Liza. I knew a father who was a stern, austere man, but used to go down on his knees...

I should be jealous, I really should. To think that she should kiss anyone else. That she should...

Such a thing, Liza, happens in those accursed families in which there is neither love nor God, I...

Hm ... yes. Perhaps. Another thing, Liza, man is fond of reckoning up his troubles, but does not...

Its by pictures, pictures like that one must get at you, I thought to myself, though I did speak...